Tuesday

 I had to go to the McFarland Clinic to have a chest x-ray today.  These were in the flower beds on the way into the building.  They usually have some flowers growing there and it was nice to see these.

I love the way they come up amidst the detritus of last fall's leftovers.  Dr. Alexander made me have the x-ray because of my shortness of breath when I went to see him yesterday.  The good news is that the x-ray and all the blood work is fine.  The bad news is that I need to exercise more. I sit too much and eat to much (good bye Irish Butter (yeah right))  So I suppose I shall have to get myself up off my duff and get to walking or something so that I can lose some weight and build my strength back up.  I know that along with everything else my depression has been a part of it. I really don't feel like doing anything.  I used to look forward to doing things with a friend but when that friendship went into the toilet (on my birthday no less)  I started feeling sorry for myself. My disease was once described as 

Optical Rectitus - The condition in which your optical (eye) nerve gets crossed with your rectal (anal) nerve and you see the world through a crappy disposition.  Except that when I first heard it the definition said that it "gave you a shitty outlook on life."

It has been about 4 months now and I should be getting over it but it really did hurt.  I do not understand why when I put myself out for someone and look at them as a really close friend this happens.  It must be a personality deficiency.  "To know me is to loath me."  I think that my solution is to just withdraw and not try to have close friends.  Just acquaintances.  Miles and Bailey and my Blogfriends are enough.  

I am also discouraged at the way our country is headed. The Tea Party Tsunami with its agenda is just vile. They want to destroy the things which have made our country great.  A very few people in our country got themselves elected by promising one thing and then doing another (what else is new) Now they are in office they are proposing things which are a social agenda which will do nothing to help our country grow. What needs to be done is to have the President use the force of his office and get the things done he said he was going to do. But his track record is not very good.  

Disappointing. In the meantime I am going to rejoice in the fact that I am in pretty good shape for the shape I am in and things seem to be stable physically.  Now if I can just get the emotional mess under control.  When you lose a friendship it is almost like having that person die.