Grand Lodge Reception for John Klaus and Michael Langford

Now listen up!

Iowa City Lodge No. 4, Mount Vernon Lodge No. 112, St. Charles-Cornerstone Lodge No. 141, Clarksville Lodge No. 668, and Specialis Procer Lodge No. 678 are about to foment a RECEPTION for a couple of rapscallions, and YOU’RE INVITED!

Grand Lodge Reception

for

Right Worshipful Brother John M. Klaus,

Grand Treasurer (AKA “Thunder Thumbs”),

and

Worshipful Brother Michael R. Langford,

Grand Musician (AKA “Silver Fingers”)

"

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Iowa City Masonic Temple

312 East College Street

Iowa City, Iowa

" 

4:00 p.m................................................Social Time 

5:00 p.m...............Reception and Ladies’ Program 

6:00 p.m....................Banquet and Brief Program

"

There will be no charge for your victuals. HOWEVER:

In order that we may prepare enough food for all, please reserve your place(s)  before April 9 by contacting

Bro. Langford at:

Michael Langford

(319) 653-1037 home

(319) 461-5976 cell

washingtonmike@windstream.net

A Free-Will Donation

will benefit

Camp Courageous

(Arrive with a fat wallet and leave with a skinny one.)

NOTICE: There will be no banjo-playing ostriches at this affair.

Gentlemen are asked to refrain from wearing spats.

Tiddlies during Social Time

Drippin’ Pork (au jus)

Sweet Taters

Scalloped Corn

Mixed Salad

Cornbread

Cheesecake à la Toby

It don’t git no better’n that. Nope. It jest don’t.

Banquet catered by Bro. Dave Sutton and Worshipful Bro. Dennis (Toby) Williams

Advice on Masonic Etiquette at Grand Lodge Receptions

NOTE: We recently received the following correspondence from Right Worshipful Brother Emil E. Post, Grand Etiquettarian of the Grand Lodge of Iowa:

My dear, dear Brothers:

I extend to every one of you, to your Lodges corporately, and to your families as well, my warmest personal regards and felicitations, and, with them, those of my entire staff, including the two Deputy Grand Etiquettarians, Worshipful Brothers Andrew F. Landers and the dear Abraham E. Van Buren, as well as our office manager, Ms. Melissa D. Manners.

One of your Brethren, unfamiliar with the more obscure points of Masonic etiquette at a Grand Lodge Reception, has written to ask me for guidance, and I am delighted to comply. Masonic etiquette, like all etiquette, is designed to transform potentially uncomfortable social situations into delightful, comfortable events for all. That is precisely why the late Most Worshipful Brother Hezekiah Phineas Blunderbuss, by all accounts and in every respect a most exquisitely refined gentleman, saw fit, during his long-ago tenure as Grand Master of Masons in Iowa, to establish the Office of Grand Etiquettarian: viz., to arbitrate and advise upon the niceties of fraternal behavior and interaction.

I have taken liberty to propose several social situations that could occur during your festivities. Following the tutelary methodology of our worthy Brother Socrates, late Master of Parthenon Lodge No. 1 in Athens, Ancient Grand Lodge of Greece, I shall present these theoretical conditions as vignettes, each with several theoretically-possible responses, and shall leave it to each Brother’s individual conscience (as befits our Gentle Craft) to determine the most fitting and Masonic response, always bearing in mind our central tenets of Brotherly Love, Relief, and Truth. I am completely persuaded that each Brother will find some responses entirely appropriate, and others less so. Please take notice, and govern yourselves accordingly, as you prepare for and enjoy your celebrations.

1 . During the social hour preceding the reception of Past and Present Grand Lodge Officers, you are presented to the Grand Master. That admirable slyboots, well known as an inveterate prankster, employs a joy buzzer in shaking your hand. You should:

a. Say, “Oh, pshaw, Most Worshipful Sir! I had always heard you were an exceedingly witty fellow!” and chuckle appreciatively.

b. Embrace him immediately upon the Five Points of Fellowship, and, whilst assuming the foot-to-foot position, trample “inadvertently” but firmly upon his instep. Whisper softly into his ear, “Gotcha back, Brother!” as a benevolent and well-crafted fraternal admonition.

c. Greet him cordially and fraternally, using your squirting imitation-gardenia boutonniere, and generously proffer him a cigar you have prepared in advance with an inoffensive explosive charge. Ponder with delight his future enjoyment of the latter. 

2. During the first course of the formal festive board, the presiding Worshipful Master, seated at the center of the head table, unexpectedly sneezes his upper dental plate into his serving of cream of broccoli soup. You should:

a. Behave as if nothing untoward whatsoever had occurred, continue your congenial table conversation, and allow the Brother to recover equilibrium to the best of his considerable ability.

b. Cry melodiously “Gesundheit!!” at the top of your lungs, and laugh delightedly but modestly at the excellent entertainment.

c. Leap smartly and athletically across the intervening seven tables and their diners, taking care not to tread in anyone’s soup plate, and bearing with you your own soupspoon. Fraternally and graciously assist the unfortunate in retrieving his crucial appliance. 

3. During the entrée course, the dowager to your right, without prior notice, merrily...ummm...“rattles her Pampers’”with a salute reminiscent of a 300-mm field gun. You should:

a. Act as if nothing were amiss, calmly take a bite from your dinner plate, chew and swallow it thoroughly and meditatively, wipe your lips discretely with your napkin, turn to her, and ask, ‘Oh, my dear, have you ever before tasted a more delicious green-bean soufflé than this? I find the subtle overtones of Karo syrup and well-aged lard to be positively entrancing!’

b. Spring immediately to your feet, gesticulate vigorously toward her with both index fingers, and bawl, “Speak AGAIN, O toothless wonder!”

c. Courteously topple over backwards from your chair onto the floor, howl like a hyena, point to her, and exclaim enthusiastically and approvingly, “She did it! SHE DID IT!!”

4. During the Grand Master’s inevitable postprandial remarks, the elderly Brother to your left delivers himself of a snore worthy of the Archangel Gabriel himself. You should: 

a. Lean toward him inconspicuously, nudge him gently to awaken him, and ask in a low voice if he might care for a glass of iced tea. 

b. Poke him vigorously in the ribs with your elbow and hiss quite audibly through your teeth, “Horace! You old coot!! The Grand Master’s giving a SPEECH!!!” 

c. Insouciantly and “accidentally” upturn a glass of ice water into his lap. Announce to him, “Woops! Sorry, Horace! My bad!”

5. In contemplating what to bring with you to this admirable event, you might consider including: 

a. A practical donation for the Grand Master’s chosen charity. 

b. A fine, ill-tuned bagpipe, so that you need not forego your daily ninety minutes of rehearsal. 

c. A wheelbarrow to employ should a weary Brother and his lady need assistance in removing themselves from the banqueting area to their automobile in the parking lot.

Each of these is clearly an acute example of a potentially distressing circumstance or faux-pas. They are, of course, unlikely to reify themselves, either individually or serially, during your celebration.

The important thing to remember is that it should ever be your Masonic duty to make such delightful occasions in every respect as charming, pleasant, and rewarding for all in attendance as is within your power to accomplish. This will aid immeasurably in maintaining the dignity and good repute of our Fraternity.

The Office of the Grand Ettiquettarian is always available to assist you with any pertinent questions. The salient point, gentle Brothers, is that fine manners, Masonic or otherwise, are invariably the result of practicing the Golden Rule, being kind, and avoiding crassness, even at your own expense. True concern for others, tempered with an ample measure of good cheer, can palliate the most distressing situation, and is thoroughly Masonic behavior.

Until that fortunate hour when we are able to sit together in Lodge, I remain 

Most sincerely and fraternally yours, 

Emil E.Post, G. E. 

R. W. Bro. Emil E. Post, Grand Etiquettarian

R. W. Bro. Post, G. E.