Found For Friday

Vern worked hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.  His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Vern! How ya doin?'His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.    'Oh no,' says Vern. 'He's in my bowling league When  they are  seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.              

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?''I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.I always have a Bud at the end of  the 1st nine, honey.'A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says,     'Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..
The cabby turns around and says,'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'  VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" 

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings.""

I bought an armchair a while back, but one day when I got home from work I saw that it had somehow turned itself into an ottoman. I called the furniture store to complain and was told "Oh, you must have bought an occasional chair."

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. "Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse

Three people are in a lifeboat, adrift at sea. They have four cigarettes, but no matches or lighters. How can they each smoke a cigarette? Answer: throw one cigarette overboard, which will make the boat a cigarette lighter.

A local policeman had just finished his shift on July 4th and was at home with his wife.
"You won't believe what happened tonight, I've never seen anything like it." "What happened?" "There were two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "What did you do with them ?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great 4th of July Week-end. Hugs, j