Found For Friday

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'  Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'


My Wife always wanted a riding lawn mower.

She works all day and was always tired when she came home from work and thought that a riding lawn mower would help her get the yard work done quicker so she would have more time for the chores inside the house.

SO, being the handy sort of guy that I am, I made her a riding lawn mower. I guess I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug.To this day I have never been able to understand why some women are so hard to please.


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P.S. I can see out of my left eye pretty good now and should be able to leave the hospital some time next week!

It's Soooo Hot!

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 am.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. and of course sour cream, diced onions and a few serving spoons of chile.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

A GUIDE TO TYPES OF MUSIC

JAZZ:  Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.

BLUES:  Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.

WORLD MUSIC:  A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.

OPERA:  People singing when they should be talking.

RAP:  People talking when they should be singing.

CLASSICAL:  Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad

FOLK:  Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.

BIG BAND:  20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.

HEAVY METAL:  Codpiece and chaps.

HOUSE MUSIC:  OK as long as it's not the house next door. 

Have a wonderful week-end,  Thanks for stopping by,