Found For Friday

A LADY ASKS - HAVE YOU SEEN MY LIPSTICK?

Why would you even ask me that?!?!? I am so insulted! Every time something goes missing around here, everybody looks at me!!! FROG PSYCHIC HOTLINE Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched telephone hotlines for frogs. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline to get his fortune told  and the psychic considers and says, "You are going to meet a  beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog replies, "This is great news! Will I meet her at my pond, at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class." Cheers, Musician jokes Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say,  "I can do that!" Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the  courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified. Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list. Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about  how good the old one was. Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried? A: Because he's Haydn! Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt. Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs. Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and a tenor.  Where are we?  Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once.  In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around  to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?" Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!" What's that sound?  A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching  noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing." " Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender,  "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip.  I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadians, draft please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, attempting polite  conversation while pouring the beer.  "Been on holiday yet, lads?" he asks. "Off to England next month," says John.  "We go to England every year,  rent a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England " says the bartender. "Wonderful country.  The history,the beer, the culture..." "Nope". We don't like that British crap," says John . "Hamburgers and Molson's , that's us, eh Jim?  And we can't stand the English. Too arrogant and rude." So, why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive," replies John. Have a Great Week-end!