He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says, "Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny , bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
Happy Easter ! !!
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman, a University of Nebraska graduate, as President of the United States, Susan Cornhusker.
A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'
'I don't think so. It's a 30 hour drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'
Oh Dad, replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York .'
'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'
The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, I ll ensure your meals are salt free Dad, I really want you to come.'
So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Cornhusker is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States.
The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'
Dad says proudly, 'Her brother played football at Nebraska.'
| Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. |
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down
When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art - the doctor's office.
During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"
The eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.'"
Seven retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrad, the other six continue playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Finklestein looks aroud and asks, 'So, who's gonna tell his wife?
They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet?' I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.'
Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?
Goldberg declares 'Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead' yells the wife.
'I'll go tell him,' says Goldberg.
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home.
On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old
ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to
the Nursing Home Administrator.
'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'
'Yes,' she said. 'They 're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard
sale.
A: Because he kept quacking all the eggs!
Q: What has big ears, brings Easter treats, and goes hippity-BOOM hippity-BOOM?
A: The Easter Elephant.
Q: How does Easter end?
A: With the letter R!
1 comment:
The one about Nebraska football made me laugh. I know some hard-core Nebraska fans...
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