Blondes to the moon
At a press conference the Brunettes announce they are going to make a trip to the Moon. The Redheads speak up "That's been done before, we're going to go to Mars". The Blondes speak up "That's nothing, we're going to be the first people to go to the Sun". One of the reporters says "Don't you idiots know that you'll burn up?" The Blondes say "NO WE WON'T; WE'RE GOING TO GO AT NIGHT!"
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
April 12, 2012.
An Ellisville school teacher called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks,"and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
A fisherman just off the lake stopped at the grocery store and asked the merchant behind the fish counter, "I'd like to take some fish home with me. Can you make them look like they are freshly caught?"
"How many?" the merchant asked.
"Three or four--perch let's say. You know a decent amount without seeming to exaggerate," said the fisherman.
"You should take trout instead" the merchant responded. "
Why is that?" the fisherman asked.
"No reason really", The merchant responded, "except your wife was by earlier and said if you came by that I should recommend trout. It's her favorite."
1. Act out your version of a company takeover.
2. Find a way to change everyone's password to "chrysanthemum".
3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.
4. Sneaking in the boss's desk could land you an unexpected promotion.
5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out "what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art".
6. Go into the other gender's bathroom without fear of being caught.
7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.
8. Leave prank messages on the CEO's voice mail.
9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.
10. Elevator surfing!
2 comments:
oatmeal is heaven's blessing !!
Heaven's blessing indeed ...and if one adds cinnamon and applesauce it loses most of its simiarity to stucco.
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