Tuesday Funnies

New roadway

Due to rerouting St Rt 24 an Ohio Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm in Paulding County and talked with an old farmer.

He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible
new road." The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."

The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State
of Ohio to go where I want. See this card, I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of
Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the
farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets
and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step.

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card, Smart Ass!!"

TWO NUNS

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination, "says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican ," says Sister Helen.

Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

She opens the window and shouts,

"Get the f**k off the car!"

Thanks toButch and Don for the above. j