Wisdom

Things aren't to good today so I am not writing about them. I went to see Mr. Woodcock and would not recommend it. So in lieu of anything else here is some humor. Enjoy. j

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."-- Lillian Carter
(mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I
was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No
good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had
ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now
wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning
and a good ending; and to have the 2 as close together as
possible.-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint.-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become
happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.--
Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.--
Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now
and then she stops to breathe.-- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds
back.-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential
food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a
more pleasant form of misery -- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. --
Joe Namath

I don't feel old, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time
for my nap. -- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish
do in it. -- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to
work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,
it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too
old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal