Musings

One more night before we lose an hour of sleep. The "boys" are still getting me up early which didn't help last night because I didn't get to sleep early. Things on my mind. They have been there all day. I am investigating making some changes in things. I need to be where I am liked and after last night I don't feel very liked.

I think that goes with the "leftovers" from being a teacher. I know that I was criticized by some parents who did not like it that I had standards that I expected their children to follow. I also know that parents who didn't like me would talk about me behind my back. They do it to every teacher. Be that as it may I know that I prepared the kids for the next year. I take it as a high compliment from one kid who told his sister that "Once you've had Simser the Middle School is a snap." One of my co-workers told me that I was the "most creative teacher in the district." Of course, I didn't believe her. No teacher does. And that feeling carries over into my low self esteem that I don't usually talk about.

I care about many things but my skin has always been too thin. After a certain point I will walk away and take no more of it. Something like Lot and Abraham in the Bible. "Let there be no strife between me and thee for we be brethren - but if you are going to the right hand pasture I shall go to the left." Right now I am very close to walking away. I don't need the criticism or strife in my world. It isn't healthy for me.

I had a friend (I thought) of thirty years but when I began to evaluate our friendship I found that I was being criticized far too much, That I had my grammar corrected in front of a waiter in a restaurant and I could go on. Basically I was just being used as someone to complain to and I was not getting anything positive out of it. I walked away and have not reconnected with her. It is time I took care of myself and I really don't need people like that in my life.