Floodwall. I loved the times I was in New Orleans. This story moved me.
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?'
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, 'Is this a union house?'
'No,' she replied, 'I'm sorry it isn't.'
'Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?'
'The house gets $80 and the girls get $20,' she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, 'Why yes sir, this is a union house.
We observe all union rules.'
The man asked, 'And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?' 'The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.'
'That's more like it!' the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
'I'd like her,' he said.
'I'm sure you would, sir,' said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, 'but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next.'
Send them to IowaIt's so dry in southeast New Mexico that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.
Now THAT's Dry!
A married couple in their early 60s were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....
The Picture below is entitled : Never Piss Off An Engineer. Click to see the explanation at the bottom.
Mommy Told You!
Don't Run In The Damn House!
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
As Craig Ferguson says, "I Know!" (But I am doing it anyway)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner..
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
This came with a caption about the REAL pot at the end of the Rainbow
And it Is the Fourth of July after all.
object width="425" height="344">
Mommy Told You!
Don't Run In The Damn House!
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILESAs Craig Ferguson says, "I Know!" (But I am doing it anyway)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you A-flat miner..
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done
This came with a caption about the REAL pot at the end of the Rainbow
And it Is the Fourth of July after all.object width="425" height="344">
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