Found For Friday

WHY SOME MEN WEAR EARRINGS, THE REAL STORY

New enlightenment! Never say you will NEVER wear an ear ring!!

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The guy knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative, macho fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense.

He walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'

'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, 'So, how long have you been wearing one?'

''Ever since my wife found it in my truck.'

(I always wondered how this trend got started)

HOLY E-MAIL

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the misbehavior that was going on. __So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth. 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline: 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."
God was not pleased, He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?




Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.

by MadPriest

A redneck was stopped by a game warden just north of Kentucky’s Lake Cumberland recently with two ice chests of fish.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, whut?" said the redneck.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"
"What Fish?" said the Redneck.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer said.
"This is a special day for me. I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses, he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman. "'How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence!"
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that's how the fight started.....

********************************************************************** **
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....