Me

Someone said to me that I had to learn to like myself.

Well, I do like myself. There are lots of things I like about me.
I was a good teacher. I tried to do my best for my students and even though they did not always appreciate it, some said things like "Its been the best year I've ever had, Mr. Simser." "Why was that William?" "Because you wouldn't let me get away with the things the other teachers let me get away with." Another said, "Once you've had Simser the Middle School is a snap."

I was twice named to "Who's Who in American Educators" and you have to be nominated by an honors student to get in there. I was also named the Sam's Club Teacher of the Year for 2002. I always tried to do my best for my kids.

I am also someone who gives to others. My greatest pleasure in life is to give someone something that they appreciate having and seeing them use it or thank me for being thoughtful.

I am a leader. I served as team leader in school, on the Language Arts committee I was teacher chair for years and I think I was effective. Of course it helped that I could work on a team that was so talented. I was also a leader in the Education Association and I have blogged about that previously.

I have been a leader in Lodge work. Serving as Master of my Lodge, High Priest of my Chapter, Master of my Council and Commander of my Commandery just to name four. I was also Grand High Priest for the State of Iowa. I am also a worker. I have been Secretary of the Red Cross of Constantine for twenty years and am currently Secretary of my Lodge. While I am not perfect there are accomplishments in each of these areas that I am proud of.

I have a sense of humor. Sometimes it is warped but it is there and I enjoy laughing.

I am a good friend. I care about people. I try to be sensitive to them and what they need. I try not to hurt them with remarks that are not thoughtful. I try to help not criticize. I never purposefully go out to hurt someone.

I am beginning to like my body again after years of being way overweight it is nice to be able to wear a 2 or 3 X shirt and to have to by smaller pants.

There are a lot of things I like about me.

There are also a lot of things I don't like.

I think the biggest thing is that I have to thin a skin. I do not take criticism easily. When someone attacks me (justly or unjustly) I get hurt and it festers and then I let that become the way I think about myself. The hurt stays with me for months.

I carry a grudge. For years. (People say that is a Scorpio trait but I really don't believe in that) - Years ago my cousins suggested that I get a date and we would get tickets and the six of us would go to Veishea events together. So I asked this girl I knew to go with us, letting her know that we would be with my cousins and would do things with them. I can still see the four of them as they ignored us and walked off to go somewhere after the event. It hurt then and it hurts now. I was never as close to them after that and while two of them are now gone I do not have much to do with the others. It is stupid to be that way but it hurt and that is the way it is.

I let people walk all over me. I don't always stand up for myself.

I evidently am not someone that another can love. Like yes but love no. I was asked once to have an affair by a married woman but I turned her down. Most of the time I have felt the pain of rejection and it is not fun. It colors my relationships. And it makes me come off like I don't like myself. What I don't like is not me. It is just that I want what I can't or haven't been able to have. My biggest regret is that I do not have a son or daughter.

I don't like it that I am not comfortable in large group situations. I really like it when I can have coffee or lunch with one or two others and really get to know them.

I have always been comfortable with my own company and enjoyed doing things by myself. I go to movies alone and eat most of my meals alone. I used to go out with a person I thought was a friend and then I figured out that she didn't really like me and was just using me to spew out her negativity.

I am naive and trusting A teacher I worked with and thought was a friend was bad mouthing me behind my back - To my principal, parents and students as well as other teachers. When I found out about it I was deeply hurt.

I also don't like it that I have diabetes which has effected so many aspects of my life. I don't like having to take pills or that my eyesight has changed. I don't like it that the doctor I had for my foot allowed the charko condition to deteriorate to the point where I had to have ankle fusion surgery and now I have to wear a boot.

All in all I really don't have as much to complain about as some other people. I know there are a lot of people worse off than I am and I should not complain. I have many positive qualities and most of the ones I don't like seem superficial when I write them down. Perhaps that is the reason for this - Bolgging as Therapy.

I hope everyone understands that I am just going through a period of not liking things very much. Hang in there with me and be my friends.