A Little Christmas Story
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it "soots" him!
Because it "soots" him!
Why doesn't Santa suffer from claustrophobia when he climbs down the chimney?
Because he has had his flue shot!!
Whathappened to the man who shoplifted a
calendar at Christmas?
calendar at Christmas?
He got 12 months!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus
What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet
How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.
Please, take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents. This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being.
How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, who could sing famous Christmas carols; this seemed like the perfect gift for his wife.
"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ...."
The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No", the young man replied, "But he can sing; let me show you."
So the young man lit a match and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..."
The man then placed another lit a match to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The delighted wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold a match between his feet?"
Eager to please his wife he said, "I don't know, but let's try it".
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ...."
The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No", the young man replied, "But he can sing; let me show you."
So the young man lit a match and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..."
The man then placed another lit a match to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The delighted wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold a match between his feet?"
Eager to please his wife he said, "I don't know, but let's try it".
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
Have a very Merry Christmas tomorrow. I will be in Des Moines helping out with the Mason's Christmas Dinner. Be gentle with one another, cherish your friends. Hugs, j
1 comment:
Merry Christmas
and hugs to Miles and Bailey and Cassie
I love the Darlene Love video below
she is amazing!!
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