Tim Engstrom, Pothole Prairie
Published Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Love is not a liking a whole lot. The two are completely different emotions.
It seems we are motivated too often by the people and things we like. It would do us good to focus more on the people and things we love.
Like is a selfish emotion. When you like something or someone, you do it because it personally satisfies you. I like cool cars. I like hamburgers. I like basketball. I like this movie. I like that actress.
Love is a selfless emotion. When you love something or someone, you want to give of yourself. Quite often, you would be willing to give to a great degree because of the love. Can people love unconditionally? I sort of doubt that people can attain that degree of love, but I’m sure dogs can love unconditionally.
When I was in East Windsor, Conn., for the death of my friend, 36-year-old Eric Wormstedt, there was a lot of love. He was loved by many people. And dogs. You could say there was friendship, camaraderie, fellowship, whatever you want to call it, but those words don’t quite fit the bill. Love is what was among us.
Eric was there. We could feel his presence, and it was felt in the love. When you boil everything in life down to what matters, the only thing that matters is love.
That was what Jesus Christ was trying to tell us. We let other emotions and rationales cloud our decisions but nothing but love matters.
Perhaps I understand the resurrection of Jesus better now. Forget for a moment whether it was a physical or spiritual or emotional resurrection and all the debates over divinity, doctrine and theology. Even forget religion for a moment. When thinking about love, Jesus is a good source, no matter who you are. Few can doubt that his disciples and friends felt all of his love shortly after his death. He was there, and his love remains felt by people to this day.
(By the way, don’t people seem to enjoy church mainly for the uplifting feeling they get — the love — more than the ceremonies, the doctrine or even many of the messages? I think so.)
Love your neighbor. Love your God. That’s pretty simple. In fact, we are told Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” That was wise to put the part about yourself in there.
Many people say you have to like yourself before you can like others. And I’d say that is true. I also agree when folks say you have to love yourself before you can love others. You can understand a lot about people if you can determine whether they like themselves and whether they love themselves.
When people are purposefully mean to others — because everyone they encounter becomes their neighbor — do they not love themselves?
There are a lot of people who spew hate who truly like themselves and they like others. They might like others to a point they describe as love. But something has happened in their past that prevents them from loving themselves and prevents them from loving others, or perhaps loving others beyond a small degree.
Also, people can like others and not love them. Usually, if they love others, they like them, too, but to be sure they can love them and not like them.
It’s hard to understand what’s actually inside other people or on their minds, I know, but this much I’ve learned: Recognizing every ounce of love you feel and trying not to take it for granted is powerful. Feel the love.
Take it in at a greater level. You’ll see how my friend Eric viewed life most of the time.
When I was in Connecticut, I really got the feeling that Eric will be in many people’s hearts for the rest of their lives. He didn’t have much money. He didn’t have many things. He didn’t have children or a wife. But he did have a black Lab, a round belly and the nickname of Buddha. He had an enormous number of friends and was the youngest son in a family with four sons, so he had family all over East Windsor. And it was incredible how there seemed to be no loved-more-than-thou division between his family and his friends at his funeral. We were all loved ones. We were all in this tragedy together, and yet we were blessed to have known Eric in the brief time he spent in this realm.
For no clear reason or for an unseen reason, I had the song “Love Boat Captain” by Pearl Jam in my head when flying back home, though it had been a long time since I heard it. My wife adores Pearl Jam, and I was looking forward to seeing her again. The song is about surviving when friends die. This is the line that was in my head, and it hits the nail on the head:
“Hold me, and make it the truth.”
“That when all is lost there will be you.
“’Cause to the universe I don’t mean a thing
“And there’s just one word that I still believe and it’s
“Love … love love love love
Tribune Managing Editor Tim Engstrom’s column appears every Tuesday.
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