Found for Fridays

A Wise old Indian: _ _When told the reason for daylight saving time, the old Indian said, 'Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom of the blanket and make a longer blanket' _
Scottish Humor (That Isn't From Scotland...)


A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist.

The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up, and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.

"Six pence," says the pharmacist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence," says the pharmacist.

The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandanna, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the pharmacy, kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the pharmacist hears a great shout go up, followed by an even greater shout.

The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the pharmacist.

"The regiment has taken a vote," says the Scot. "We'll have a new one



MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
a.. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Kate andSarah.

b.. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
a.. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

b.. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY
a.. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

b.. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
a.. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

b.. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
a.. A woman has the last word in any argument.

b.. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
a.. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

b.. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS
a.. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
b.. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE
a.. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

b.. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
a.. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

b.. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL
a.. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

b.. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
a.. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

b.. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Everybody Ought To Have A Maid