S%$tty Sunday

My friend Dorothy sent me pictures of the roses that she purchased to brighten her day. They brightened mine also.

I did not want to go out of the house today but I put in the last two drops in my eyes and had to get the eye drops prescription refilled. Did I tell you that I have to put drops in my eyes? Just one of the other things that I have to put up with. Poor me Ha!

Anyway while I was out I took the DeMolay Preceptory Legion of Honor letter to be printed and folded to Staples. I am the Commander this year and found out yesterday that I get to send the letter for the March meeting out. Shane supplied the labels and so I addressed the 225 envelopes and stamped and put my return address on them. Today I stuffed envelopes and will mail them tomorrow. But the Post Office is closed tomorrow for MKL Jr. Day so they won't go out til later.

The Legion of Honor is a very nice thing to have. I don't think I had earned it when I got it when I was Grand High Priest but since then I have supported DeMolay and don't feel so guilty about it.

While the letters were printing I went to Aldi's and got some vegetables and stew meat. I browned the meat, cooked the vegetables, found some spices added some chicken broth and poured the Minestrone soup I made the other day into it. I made so much I will be eating it all week.

I am still not up to par. When I get this way I am not good company - even for myself. I have never had a very high self-esteem and when someone puts me down either verbally or non-verbally it hurts...a lot. Especially when it is someone I (still) care about. I think that sometimes I would be better off if I lived out in the woods somewhere and didn't try to be friends with anyone. But then again there are a lot of people who act like they like me but then there are the others. Unfortunately, I get the knife in the heart and have to try to get past it. I wasn't going to give up participating in things but think I will have to just stick to the Ames Bodies as I don't think I can take feeling the way I was made to feel yesterday. I have not been down to Acanthus for almost two months and probably won't go again. Most likely I shall ask to withdraw. I just don't feel comfortable there and why put myself through it? I made up my mind that I was going to leave this person alone. It has to be his move because I made up my mind that I would not "bother him" - He once said that the "bottom line was that we would be friends." I guess that has changed if he won't even look at or speak to me. This post will probably piss him off but so what. He doesn't care to be my friend anymore why should I worry about how he feels.

I will get over this and you know I am feeling physically so good. I don't even know why I have to take all the pills. My blood sugars have been good. I gained a little over Christmas but who doesn't. I have plans to go to see Ginny and Bruce over Easter Break. I am going to San Diego in June and might even try to get someplace else perhaps non Masonic. Minnesota would be nice. Why in hell I worry about one or two individuals is beyond me. It just hurts.

Anyway I will get over it. And you are still loved. Hugs, j