Black Hole

This is a picture of a Black Hole. It describes the place I am in. I tried to communicate with Someone and wound up alienating him past all fixing. I didn't mean to but that is the way I am. I wanted so much to repair things between us and I really messed up.

A Black Hole sucks all of the life out of you.

All my life I have been the "fat kid" and the last one chosen. When Someone chose me to be his friend there was a happiness inside of me that had never been there before. Oh sure I had had some times of happiness but I had never felt like I was really very likable. Then things started to go bad and I evidently crossed boundaries, that I tried not to cross. I told him once I felt like I had to walk on egg shells when I was around him. Well, I tried and then it went to hell in a hand basket. I am too sensitive. I know that - (It comes from being put down all your life) and I tried to follow his "rules" - Now I have been told to F*&K OFF. He said that he goes places where he isn't liked and he goes anyway. Well I don't - I am not made that way. And besides I don't know anyone who doesn't like him. So now I shall have to find other things to do.

The worst part of all of this is that it comes when my Sis is here for a visit and I have to try to be "up" when I am around her - all the while when I feel the life and joy has just been sucked out of me. I have other friends. I just wanted this one especially. ARTYAL, No Hugs this time - j