Found for Friday

While she was flying down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded

The cop stammered, 'A what?............

A rectum stretcher?

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'

'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?' he asked
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'

Traffic Ticket $95.00

Court Costs $45.00

Look on the Cop's Face....... PRICELESS


To be perfectly honest, I didn't know this. But it makes total sense.

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked. ' Well actually, yes, I do.', she exclaimed..

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.'

'Well, then, ' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like,so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified....'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?''

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from'?


Thomas Jefferson...
"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

From Mark Morford

The good news: The pendulum is swinging. Can you feel it? From toxic war-happy neocon evangelical groupthink, back toward something resembling progress, and intelligence, and thoughtfulness, spiritual openness, a renewed respect for science and the environment and ethical foreign policy right along with a renewed desire for a president who doesn't embarrass us on the international stage every single day?
The bad news: It's a pendulum, not a stone. It swings one way, it's bound to eventually swing back again.

Or is it? Is it possible that, as George Packer convincingly postulates in the New Yorker, that conservatism is over? Has the age of rigid, oppressive, insular right-wing ideology run its course? Is McCain the last gasp of a stale and outmoded worldview, a leathery hunk of a crusted-over party that's run out of ideas? Can we raise a martini at Burning Man on Mars, and hope?

Boone Pickens on Alternative Energy.

- John Shelby Spong writes:

We walk into the mystery of a God who is beyond words, concepts or human perception. Jesus is for me a doorway into that mystery. Christian language in such concepts as Incarnation and Trinity is designed to put rational shape into that experience. I do not reject that language, but I also do not literalize it.

From Mary Poppins - I Love To Laugh


Questions and Answers from a Senior Citizens Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly-----wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these."

Smile, You've still got your sense of humor, right?




Enjoy your Weekend - ATYRL, Hugs j