Found for Fridays

I spent the day (most of it) at the Scottish Rite building answering the phone. Don Driscol is on Vacation and Shane needed someone to help out so I went down. I had fun. I also went to my breakfast group before working so I was up really early. What was neat was that a guy came in and sat next to me and I looked at him and said "Did you go to fifth grade in Atlantic, Iowa?" I used to be Jay Jackson. (At that time I was going by my stepfather's name and did not go back to Simser until I got my driver's license and realized that I had better use my legal name.) His last name was also Jackson and we both went to Jackson Elementary in 1952-53. I had not seen him since then but could still recognize him. Small world.

Kurt and Shane and I had a great lunch at Lucca's in the East Village. I have eaten there with Matt several times and really like it. I gave Kurt a gift for his daughter who turned two yesterday. It is a stuffed horse probably about as big as she is. Kurt called me as I was driving home from work (imagine that I didn't get paid but it was nice to do something productive.) and said that Abbie was riding the pony around the house going Yee Haw! I love it. I felt so good. Her mom has some pictures up on her blog and if you want to see them go here. Her name is Abbie and I have coined a new word just for her - Abbiedorable. Go look you will see what I mean.

So here is some "stuff" I found this week just to share. Shamelessly stolen as usual.

The above needs no comment.

If I were this dog my teeth would be wrapped around throat of the guy (or gal) who dressed me up like this.

Moses...

(This is cute no matter your political views.)

Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"

The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.

The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice.

The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.

The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?

The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed. "Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!"

Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"

The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes,I am Moses! "The last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."

Bush Approval Ratings Graph

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She is such a bitch.

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as..

PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. -Steven Wright, comedian (b. 1955)


An Irishman stranded on a deserted island for more than 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not a ship.' As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blond!

The glamorous blond strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, 'How long has it been since you had a good cigar.' 'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faith and b'gorrah,' said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'

And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey?' asked the blond. Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.' Hearing that, the blond reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket - removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. 'Tis the nectar of the Gods!' stated the Irishman - truly fantastic'.

At this point the gorgeous blond started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?' With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed - 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there, too!'

NEWEST AMERICAN BUMPER STICKERS

1) (On an infant's shirt): Already smarter than Bush

2) 1/20/09: End of an Error

3) That's OK - I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway

4) If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran

5) Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.

6) You Can't Be Pro-War and Pro-Life at the Same Time

7) Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?

8) If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President

9) Of Course It Hurts: You're Getting Screwed by an Elephant

10) Which God Do You Kill For?

11) George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight

14) America: One Nation, Under Surveillance

15) They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It

16) Who Would Jesus Torture?

17) When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46 a gallon

18) Jail to the Chief

19) No, Seriously, Why did we Invade Iraq?

20) Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full of Crap

21) Right! Like Jesus Would Own a Gun and Vote Republican!

22) We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language

23) We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them

24) Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either

25) Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Hand Basket?

26) Rich Man's War, Poor Man's Blood

27) Is It Vietnam Yet?

28) The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century

30) You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.

ARTYAL, Great big Hugs, j